Six Flags Irony

I found this sign about nature at Six Flags Over Texas in Dallas. Notice the bit about “attractive waterways” and then cesspool in the background. It’s a bit ironic.

Welfare Air

OK, I’ll admit it, I’m not really a fan of Southwest Airlines. Their fine enough, but too inflexible to really suit my needs. On a recent trip to Florida, I discovered their “no hidden fees” mantra was really B.S. You see, at Southwest, if you need to bump flights or do standby, you have to pay massive fees (in my case, over $200) just to have the opportunity to fly standby (no guarantee you’ll actually get on that flight). I call that a hidden fee. I’ve never found another airline anywhere in the world that makes you do that. But Southwest does.

And I'm not even going to tackle the class of people that fly Southwest. Flying back from Orlando, I was on a flight with fat, smelly Wal-Mart families. I think it's great that there's a bottom-of-the-barrel airline to serve them, I just don't want to be a part of that train wreck.

So, when in Dallas, I spied this sign near Love Field. I’m going to take a cheap shot at welfare air (a.k.a., Southwest) over this one. Most airlines advertise their non-stop flights. No Southwaste. They advertise their one-stop flights. Boy, talk about convenience. They charge such low fares because they are so inconvenient to fly.

Dallas Gun Culture Continued

I’ve blogged quite a bit recently about the obsession of the folks in Dallas, Texas and handguns. They’ve got signs all over the city about where you can and can’t take your gun. It’s kind of bizarre really.

At Six Flags Over Texas I spied a sign that might explain this. There’s a new Texas law that prohibits carrying a weapon into certain places, including theme parks (and presumably restaurants). This comes as a “duh” and “no shit” moment for those of us from other parts of the United States, but it’s really a novel concept to the George Bush drones in Dallas.

A truly remarkable cultural experience.

Consumers Get Shelled

I took this picture at a Shell gas station in Dallas. Talk about deceptive advertising! I think it is a deliberate attempt at screwing consumers.

So Shell offers 10% rebates on gas purchases on its credit card. So, they advertise earning $0.38 a gallon. Sounds like a great deal, right? Well, it’s based on $3.82 a gallon. If you look at the actual prices, it’s $1.45 a gallon. So, if you sign up for the Shell Card, you get a whopping rebate of $0.14.

Now, I know prices go up and down. BUT, this is clearly deceptive advertising. The last time gas was $3.82 in Dallas was….never.

Don’t believe the ads. Consumers get shelled at Shell.

Taco Bueno

Taco Bueno. Taco Fucking Bueno. I have no idea if the food at Taco Bueno in Dallas, Texas is any good. But I love the idea of The Good Taco. Sexual connotations aside, who doesn’t love a good taco?

Dallas Gun Culture

Dallas, Texas is obsessed with weapons. You’d think people carry guns with them everywhere. So, it is a felony in Dallas to carry weapons into an establishment where alcohol is served.

In most normal cities, this would be like a no brainer. You wouldn’t have to post the idiot sign alerting people to the fact that they can’t carry guns into a place, but in Dallas, it isn’t so obvious. You gotta talk to these people like their stupid and post signs everywhere so they get it.

Handguns and Fast Food

I spied this sign at a Chipotle in Dallas, Texas. I guess the folks in Dallas are in love with their handguns. But don’t go packing heat when you choke down on a burrito or you’ll face arrest.

In most cities, the legality of packing heat into a fast food establishment would be well understood. Don’t do it. But in Dallas, the folks are a little slow and need it spelled out for them.

Drinking in the Bathrooms

In most cities and states, you will find the ubiquitous sign in the bathroom: “Employees must wash hands before returning to work.”

In Dallas, Texas, they really don’t care about clean hands. They real problem in Dallas is fetal alcohol syndrome. Evidently, employees slip into bathrooms to binge drink before returning to work. This binge drinking continues into pregnancy. (I spied this sign in the bathroom at a Chipotle restaurant).

So remember in Dallas, don’t drink in the bathrooms.

No Texting in School Zones

I love Dallas. No really, I love Dallas. I love all of Texas for that matter. You take the thing that is the most logical, and do the exact the opposite.

The geniuses in Dallas have a new law that makes it illegal to text or use a handheld phone in a school zone. The irony is that presumably it is entirely logical (and permissible) to take your eyes off the road and thumb a long text message while driving as long as you’re not in a school zone.

Bonus points to the Dallas city government for making a sign so complex that you can send a text message faster than the amount of time it takes to read it!